for my sayang.

so i went chinatown with prem! FUNKAY. we walked till man... im shagged :X hehe.. and we ate till.. whooops~ :p

anw, jus to let you noe.. i hope you wont feel that jus bcuz uve taken the initiative to sms me that it actually means that i dont admit im at fault or anything, or that ive been tryin to avoid you cuz u noe our lives dont really cross like how it used to anymore.. but you noe, i will always go out with you if you wanna have smashin good times. we're both regulars there and its cuz we always went together, never without each other.. (sounds dame.... :X haha!) but you noe.. despite all the things that happened, i dont want things to go back to the past, the way it used to be.. cuz, i want it to be better. but thanks alot of smsing me ytd night.. it gave me a shock this morning when i woke up.. i still couldnt believe i received an sms-ed from you.. you made my day... (= thanks gurlie.

today was my last day at work, i'd be missin those people.. i heard theyre gonna have another chalet.. my gosh.. these ppl are truly party animals!!!! :D HAHAHA.

for my sayang..
i left because when the wind blew in the trees, it blew cold and rattled in my bones, and when i turned to you for warmth, i found too little. perhaps i didn't turn the right way ; maybe i should have done it differently too. but in the end, some crucial part of me went off on its own, searching, searching....

i left because there is no other life than this one that we are given, and to live it as if it belonged to someone else, no matter how beloved, is wrong. i left because you would not change that deep part of you that non of us can change, the who of who we are, the part that dreams at night, that needs to order the world in a certain way. i don't blame you for that. its very hard, and part of you has to die in order for it to happen. i know you will say that i never really gave you the chance. that may be true. it feels to me like i gave you the chance every day for a long, long time.

i left because i had to. and now? now you must leave me. not in hate, not in anger, not even in regret. leave me for the life you should be living, with somebody whose heart you wholly own and who owns yours. maybe then you and i can reclaim our memories. we have, after all, so many... and in spite of why i left, and all i left, they remain sweet to me. those i will never leave behind..

to sayang : this is for you. you quoted me one verse which i still keep till today..
the eyes of the lord watches over who does right and open his ears to who cries for help.
psalm 34: 15-16 sayang (: missin your presence.. always*